Recently, my husband and I celebrated our 4th anniversary. I know what you're thinking, "They must have it all figured out." Yeah, right.
Don't worry, I'm not naive enough to believe you really think that. 4 years isn't very long compared to many couples we know, but it's been long enough to learn many things about each other and ourselves that we weren't aware of when we first wed.
This isn't one of those times where I tell you how wonderful married life is and how it's the most fun and exciting thing I've ever been blessed with. That's all true, but I want to focus on one thing I've been convicted of at this point in our marriage. The one thing that the Lord keeps teaching me.
I'm not giving my husband the best of me.
The realization of this fact hit me after we had a silly argument over something I can't even recall at this point, which tells you how important it was. I was praying and feeling awfully convicted but didn't really know what exactly I was convicted of at that point. I just kept asking God to show me where I needed to be better...to show me where I had let the enemy gain some ground in my heart. He revealed this to me quite quickly! And I'm thankful He did.
What does it mean to give someone the best of you? What I've been shown so far is that it means:
- Being gentle - This definitely doesn't come naturally to my flesh, but it always comes natural when we walk in the Spirit.
- Caring more about my man than being right - He's not perfect, but I don't have to point out every single thing he might be doing wrong. It's okay to let them fail sometimes. Besides, being wrong or right is sometimes just all in our perspective and opinion.
- Forgiving - So much comes from this. That's a whole subject in itself, but forgiving someone, especially when you don't feel like it, is showing the selfless love of Christ and will change the hearts of man and impact your marriage for years to come.
- Friendship is still important - Taking time to just be friends can be medicine for the soul. When we are running this way and that, working and being involved in so many activities, we find ourselves not taking time to just laugh and talk like friends. Going back to the basics of being friends can bring strength to your relationship and build equity between you that could prove vital later on.
- Being Positive - This is a big one. Tonight, I read a quote from Francis Chan that said, "Joy is one of those things that is contagious. We have the ability to bring life or death to a situation." This couldn't be more true. We have this ability every single day.
- Giving the best of me is giving my husband less of me and more of Christ - The more I operate on my feelings, my wants, my desires, and my needs...the less my husband feels encouraged, supported, and loved. It's only when I lay aside myself for the sake of my husband and our marriage that he feels secure enough to lead our family. Ever heard the saying, "You attract more bees with honey?" Well, it's true.
Wives, I urge you to ask yourself what you're giving to your marriage. A marriage is an intimate relationship where you are able to share special things with only one special person on this earth. What are you sharing with that special person? Is it discouragement, negativity, and complaining? Or are you fighting to give him kindness, humility, and unconditional love no matter the situation? We must be willing to give them the best of us if we ever hope to withstand the trials of this life and truly thrive in spite of them.
"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3
"And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8
"Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another." Romans 14:19
Much Love,
~Abby